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White Collar Madlibs - The Perfect Exchange a.k.a. The Sweaty Wind
New Yorkers like black, By the Book
doctor_fangeek
What happens when you mix a bunch of White Collar fans (okay, four White Collar fans), sangria, and an updated (okay, adult) version of MadLibs?  I give you "The Sweaty Wind" (a.k.a. "Just Follow Navarro's Testicles"), from the hive mind of elrhiarhodan, rabidchild and jrosemary (from a MadLib created, filled in and transcribed by yours truly, doctor_fangeek).  This one is probably more of a hard R, in terms of ratings. Thanks also to [info]afiawri for the transcripts and to [info]photoash for hosting them.

Peter: What's the SWEATY WIND?
 
[Cut to: A few seconds later.]
 
Neal: Whatever it is, money for a FEATHER, FLUFF, or a person. The POST-HOLE DIGGING's always a problem. It all comes down to trust.
 
Peter: How do you know the bad guy won't FUCK you, keep the SWORDFIGHT and the CONDOMS slash masterpiece slash bond certificate?
 
Neal: Exactly. So one night, over a bottle of FANTA, Mozzie and I figured out the FRUITY way to do it.
 
Peter: That why you're wearing your NEAL CAFFREY'S PRISON SANGRIA outfit?
 
Neal: I'm a New Yorker. We like FANFICTION.
 
Peter: Mmm-hmmm.
 
Neal: Let's start with the REAL PERSON FIC.
 
Neal: TELEVISION SET is key. You need FORBIDDEN LABRADOR RETRIEVERS, but not CHIHUAHUAS. You want to get a LUBE DISPENSER and a canvas in.
 
Peter: Just so I'm clear, MICHELLE OBAMA’s the canvas?
 
Neal: Right. You also need a building with an AFFECTIONATE MEDICINE on the roof. We decided on THE CORNER OF 59th AND 5th AVENUE.
 
Neal: The ENCOUNTER has to happen during CHRISTMAS 1985. You want people around to DESIRE from the FULFILLMENT. THE CORNER OF 59th AND 5th AVENUE’s collection's valuable enough to warrant STREETWALKERS.
 
Neal: It's designed to keep both sides in check and on task. It's about the ENCOUNTER,
nothing else.
 
Peter: I like it. Except for one thing.
 
Neal: What's that?
 
Peter: Nothing's FECUND.
 
Neal: It’s FECUND because the 1986 WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK METS will always try to SWAT the DOGWALKERS. Navarro knows that the BALLBOY can't walk in with a BAT.
 
Peter: So Navarro's going to make sure there's one waiting for him when he gets there.
 
Neal: We stake out the CHRYSLER BUILDING.
 
Peter: Wait until one of Navarro's TESTICLES shows up.
 
Neal: He'll keep an eye on the place, make sure QUEEN ELIZABETH II doesn't have the same idea, then he'll plant the BAT. Just follow Navarro's TESTICLES back to Mozzie.
 
Peter: I know this is VULNERABLE, but stay awake.
 
Neal: I haven't SCRAPED since this whole KITTY CAT started.
 
Peter: LEFT BUTTOCK hurt?
 
Neal: Little bit.
 
Peter: Got that SMELLY thing happening?
 
Neal: Yeah, my LEFT NIPPLE's a little dry.
 
Peter: Hold onto that feeling. Remember it next time you EJACULATE in the den of THE GOVERNER OF NEW JERSEY on a whim or something equally LEMON-YELLOW.
 
Neal: Thanks for sharing your CRAYONS, Peter. I know that's sometimes BRIGHT for you.
 
Peter: You're welcome. That looks like Navarro's TESTICLE.
 
Neal: He's here to plant the BAT.
 
Peter: We follow him back to Mozzie, it will all be over.
 
Neal: I hope so. [Looking at Peter’s expression:] Oh, that's reassuring.
 
Peter: The SWEATY WIND. When did you ACE?
 
Neal: A certain SUPERMODEL came into my life. I didn't get the chance.
 
Peter: So it's hypothetical.



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I have just realized that I neglected to note that this was a scene from 'By the Book' in a former life (you know, the whole Peter shows up at Neal's to find out what the 'perfect exchange is). Since I'm on my phone, and since the latest version of the real text editor keeps changing my LJ cuts (or randomly erasing text, or randomly changing the LJ user tags/links), I figured I'd just leave a comment instead of editing.

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